The only thing that was holding us together was our Love.
We have so many issues, its unbelievable. We don't have the same idea for our futures, we don't live the same lifestyles, we value different things.. the list is never ending.
I asked him if he really believed we could pull through all of this. He said, it was a long shot but that he believed in our love. What a bunch of crap.. He used the idea of our love to manipulate me. He was taking advantage of being close to me without having to be my boyfriend. He has always taken advantage of me. I was always just there for his convenience. When it came to my needs, he was always MIA.We've been going through such a rough time. All I wanted was for it to get better. If you were going through something of this magnitude, wouldn't you want to try and resolve as much as you could, as fast as you could? Wouldn't you devote all your time and efforts? He has done nothing. He will do nothing. I just don't understand what I'm doing! Why do I keep falling for his lies? All this time, I thought he was a genuine person. All this time I devoted my love to him, and for what? To find out that when he says he wants try and work it out, what he really is saying, is stick around till I find a new girl. If you want to fuck around, do it. Dont be a fucking coward. He always has an excuse for everthing that is clear cut. If you wrote a girl: "hey here is my number, I think we should hang out sometime".. doesn't that mean what u say??? If you tell your friend that you need whores, and that your looking for hoes to bring to his crib, doesnt that mean what you say?? If you say you stayed up all night and omit that you actually went to the strip club, is that honest? Im confused, how does that not mean exactly what it means?
Yea this guy is a piece of work. Its actually pretty pathetic.
I have a freind of mine who is going through some similar issues. She was married for nearly 15 years and found out that he had been cheating on her for almost the duration of the marriage. She was of course devestated. She loved him very much and tried several times to work it out. His heart was just not in it. I think both people have to really want it and have to be present to work it out.
ReplyDeleteThe atteachment to this other person is significant. You have shared several expereicnes together, including feelings (negative and positive), and have trusted each other with each other most personal thoughts. As human beings we want to make peace and make amends and not "stir the pot." We have so much inviested in our significant others that we just can't let go and walk away. In a sense, we are leaving a piece of ourselves if we decide to leave someone. This is one of the hardest things to do. We, as a society, have a hard time letting go, even if we know somehting is not good for us. We will struggle and oscillate between wanting to stick it out and wanting to leave and start over. This is very difficult because our emotions cloud our judegment and we dont always make the best decision. Sometimes it takes something like this to help us put things in perspective and help decide what we want and what is really best for us. These are just some of my ramblings. Anyway, take care and I hope you find solice soon.
It pains me to hear of someone else going through something similar except far worse. Marriage is sacred and i'm disgusted by his actions. But I do understand the feeling of wanting to work it out because despite it all, your love was real and u cant deny that. Wow this comment was truly deep. I thought he really wanted it and wanted to work it out, but the truth of the matter is that he didn't, it was just easier for him. His heart wasn't in it at all.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing such a powerful comment!